Divorce can be one of life’s most challenging transitions. It often leaves people grappling with a sense of loss, not just of the relationship but of identity and confidence. For many women, particularly those who’ve experienced emotionally abusive or financially disenfranchising marriages, rebuilding self-assurance may seem like a daunting task. However, while the path forward can be difficult, it is also an opportunity for personal empowerment and growth.

Here are some steps to help rebuild confidence after divorce:

1. Recognize Your Strengths

Divorce is a testament to resilience. The emotional, legal, and logistical challenges that come with ending a marriage can feel overwhelming, but getting through them requires tremendous strength. Acknowledging what you’ve survived and recognizing the skills you’ve honed throughout your marriage and divorce—whether that’s managing a household, supporting your children, or being a star project manager for the entire divorce—can be the first step toward rebuilding your self-worth.

2. Reclaim Financial Power

Financial independence can be a significant hurdle after divorce, especially for women who were stay-at-home parents or in financially controlling relationships. Educating yourself about your finances, developing a budget, or making a plan to re-enter the workforce are all essential steps toward financial empowerment. Financial stability often goes hand-in-hand with emotional well-being, and it can help foster the confidence needed to move forward.

If you’ve been out of the workforce for a while, resources from professionals like the ones here at Après, who specialize in supporting women re-entering their careers, can provide invaluable guidance. Listen to Stacey Delo, return to work coach and expert, talk about this on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast.

3. Set Boundaries

One of the most empowering aspects of rebuilding confidence is learning how to set boundaries, particularly if you’ve come from a relationship where those boundaries were routinely crossed. Setting boundaries is about protecting your emotional space and energy—saying no when necessary, defining what you need, and understanding that it’s okay to prioritize yourself. The more you practice setting clear, firm boundaries, the more you’ll feel in control of your life.

4. Surround Yourself with Support

Divorce can be isolating, but it’s crucial to surround yourself with a supportive community. Whether it’s through friends, family, therapy, or support groups, having others to lean on can make a significant difference. Rebuilding confidence often requires looking at your situation from multiple perspectives, and those who care about you can help remind you of your value when you’re feeling uncertain.

5. Own Your Story

Many women who’ve gone through divorce carry a sense of shame or guilt, especially if societal or familial expectations add pressure to “stay” in a marriage. However, owning your story—without judgment or blame—is essential to moving forward. By reframing your narrative, you can focus on what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown through the experience, rather than being defined by the past.

Consider journaling, speaking with a therapist, or sharing your experiences with others to process these emotions. Owning your story can lead to powerful breakthroughs in self-confidence and personal empowerment.

6. Focus on Growth, Not Perfection

The post-divorce journey isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about growth. Too often, we fall into the trap of believing that life must be flawless after such a significant change. However, the focus should be on small, achievable steps that help you rebuild and rediscover yourself. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, learning a new skill, or re-engaging with passions you set aside during your marriage, growth is a gradual process that can lead to profound confidence over time.

Rebuilding confidence after divorce is a deeply personal journey. By recognizing your strengths, reclaiming your financial independence, and setting healthy boundaries, you can begin to rediscover the self-worth that may have been buried during your marriage. Growth may take time, but with patience and support, it is entirely possible to emerge from this chapter stronger, more empowered, and confident in the future ahead

Listen to Après’ Stacey Delo on Kate’s NYT recommended podcast:

Episode 289: Careers, Kids, and Comebacks with Stacey Delo (Women’s Financial Empowerment)