My grandmother Lillian Delo Carter, also known by many as Grammy, was an accomplished pianist, largely self taught, who delighted in performing, and did so almost up until she passed away in her 90s.
She taught music at a high school in Springfield, Mo., and we recently learned the school song she wrote is still in use there. She accompanied Brenda Lee, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” and other music luminaries when they would come to town.
Her talent was a gift that could have taken her very far. But she – and society likely – had traditional ideas of her role as a wife and mother, and her priority was family. She turned down an invitation to audition with one of the Big Bands because she wanted to get married.
At one point when I was younger and contemplating my career, she said, “I guess you’re just not going to ever settle down and keep house.” It wasn’t critical – more contemplative.
Yet she was also quite progressive – a strong liberal with a broad collection of friends, many artists, spread across many generations. She died before texting was what it is today, but she emailed like a pro and lived independently for close to 20 years after the death of her second husband.
She was spicy, too, often saying to me and my sister, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Then she’d wink, flash a big grin, and say, “You know that gives you a lot of room.”
Like most of us, she was a woman of many facets. I sometimes wonder what life my grandmother would have had if she were born in a different time. Hers was a massive talent. Where might she have gone?
But then my mind goes back to her at the piano, delighting me and my sister as my grandfather played the Ukulele and we danced around the house. And also to her kitchen, which was always full of something delicious simmering on the stove, often a large pot of her spin on a Hungarian Goulash, and how happy she was in those moments of being together. Where would we be without her?
Careers are long – a marathon, not a sprint, as Anne-Marie Slaughter once noted. They’re full of opportunities, ones we jump at or pass by, sometimes influenced by choices made by our parents or family members, or their opinions.
I have Grammy’s Goulash recipe, hand written out in paragraph form – no list of ingredients followed by instructions. Just notes. While traditionally a Hungarian meat and vegetable stew, this is her version, a simple, pantry-style weeknight meal that’s slightly elevated from the “American” version you’ll find in a Google search.
It’s the “simmer and hold if necessary,” part in her notes that really gets me when I think about my grandmother’s life and talents, which were always simmering, holding on the backburner for use when an invitation to perform came around.
I’ve coached many women who put their career aspirations and talents on hold to serve others, especially during these past few years. The pandemic extended that holding pattern for many, halting returns to work or career changes, as they doubled down on caregiving and providing a steady foundation for their families during a tumultuous period.
The universal worry is they have kept these talents on hold for too long. It’s a mix of frustration at circumstances and sometimes themselves. But there’s power and value in simmering talents, be it piano playing or strong writing or research and analysis skills, because they are still with you, and could represent an opportunity to reset and rethink what’s next.
I’d encourage you to not delay in moving these talents off the backburner. Today’s job market presents an opportunity to be sure, with 1.7 job openings per job seeker. And holding back talents too long could have its own consequences.
“A time tested-truth – the longer we avoid something, the scarier it feels,” MFT Licensed Psychotherapist Brittany Olsen told me. “And then we can be prone to emotional reasoning – because something feels scary, that must mean it is scary.”
Take stock of your simmering talents. Whip up a batch of Goulash with a dash of extra spice, and move your plans to the front burner.
Grammy’s Goulash Recipe
My grandmother’s super easy goulash recipe comes together with just a handful of ingredients and can be made ahead. While this recipe is good for four people, it’s easily doubled and can feed a crowd, too. I made it once for a Halloween party because kids like it, too, just go easy on how spicy your chili powder is.
Part of the charm of this old recipe is that it’s written in instruction form — a lot of both of my grandmother’s recipes present this way. The handwriting is part of the charm and you can see her original notes above. That said, I’ve added a few steps to make this extra scrumptious.
Ingredients:
1 yellow onion, diced
2 TBSP olive oil
1 pound ground beef (or substitute of your choice)
2 cans of diced tomatoes
2 TBSP chili powder (I’ve been using William’s Chili Powder for some extra umph)
1 package spaghetti (I usually like to use carb friendly pasta but regular pasta absorbs the flavors better in this case)
Salt to your liking
Pasta water
Instructions:
- Brown the onion with olive oil in a dutch oven. At same time, boil water for the pasta in a separate pot and cook in the regular way.
- Brown the meat in the dutch oven.
- Add the chili powder and salt to the meat.
- Mix in the two cans of diced tomatoes to the meat mixture and simmer.
- When the pasta is ready, reserve some pasta water and set aside before straining.
- Add the pasta to the meat and add a ladle or two of pasta water. Mix and serve!
If you hold and simmer for a bit, keep the pasta water so you can add a splash now and then to keep the dish from getting dry.
Enjoy!!
